Groundhog Retreats Into Den

Feb. 2, 2017

Dateline Punxsutawney, PA

Filed From WikiLeekZ PA reporter, Punxsutawney Phyllis...

American Icon, Punxsutawney Phil, crept slowly from his den in Pennsylvania and read the glaring headlines in the local Punxsutawney Spirit newspaper...'Trump Threatens to Send Troops to Mexico', and quickly retreated back into his cozy, safe den.

A few minutes later, Phil tossed a paw-written note onto the icy ground. It was written in Groundhogese, a language that among all assembled correspondents, only I, an Honorary Groundhog could interpret.

"To all Groundhogs and Americans: what the #%+=...@&?! Is going on? What's up with you people? Don't let one person attempt to change the 200+ years of democratic principles fought for and won by activists, soldiers, politicians, artists, Groundhogs, and ordinary citizens without questioning every single ignorant, misinformed, bigoted and childish thought of this new person".

"I'm retreating to write my beliefs and opinions and then, from the platform I have gained over more than 100 years, scatter my statements on the ground to be found and spread across the nation by good, intelligent, thoughtful citizens, and Groundhogs. Why not Groundhogs? Our race has been here longer that the Pilgrims and if truth be known, longer than whom you term, the Native Americans".

"So, citizens and Groundhogs all, rise up from your homes and dens; write, gather, organize and let your representatives know that what is happening is not right. Tell them you're Mad As Hell and You're Not Going To Take It Any Longer". Who does he think he is, a Groundhog trapper? Who does he think we are, shrinking violets?"

"A little known fact is that we Groundhogs love violets".

"See you soon. The sun will shine and spring will come one day".

Punxsutawney Phil....

Sanctuary Cities Bar Trump


WikiLeekZ is Our name...Satire is Our Game


WikiLeekZ obtained an advance copy this morning of The Associated Sanctuary Cities of America press release outlining their plans to bar President Donald J Trump from entering their associated cities until he completed their Extreme Vetting Protocol.

The Extreme Vetting Protocol includes such tests as:

An IQ test

A completed form explicitly describing each marriage, affair & one night stand the applicant has indulged in. ( this form is to weed out serial creeps)

A copy of the past 3 years Federal Income Taxes

A full and complete listing of all lies, prevarications, untruths and falsehoods the applicant has been caught in

A full and complete accounting of lawsuits and judgments found against applicant

A list (if any) of character references

The smile test. Applicants must prove that they smile or are capable of smiling at least once a day and provide such proof

The Associated Sanctuary Cities Protocol must be filled out in advance and approved before applicants begin flying, driving, training or cycling to each city.

WikiLeekZ has also learned that major capitals throughout the world are contacting The Sanctuary Cities Association about details of implementation of their Extreme Vetting Protocol.

The SCA has also stated that associates and Trump family members will have to complete the forms as well and file their travel plans in advance.

Zeny

WikiLeekZ is Our Name...Satire is Our Game

Sanctuary Cities Bar Trump
WikiLeekZ obtained an advance copy this morning of The Associated Sanctuary Cities of America press release outlining their plans to bar President Donald J Trump from entering their associated cities until he completed their Extreme Vetting Protocol.

The Extreme Vetting Protocol includes such tests as:

An IQ test

A completed form explicitly describing each marriage, affair & one night stand the applicant has indulged in. ( this form is to weed out serial creeps)

A copy of the past 3 years Federal Income Taxes

A full and complete listing of all lies, prevarications, untruths and falsehoods the applicant has been caught in

A full and complete accounting of lawsuits and judgements found against applicant

A list (if any) of character references

The smile test. Applicants must prove that they smile or are capable of smiling at least once a day and provide such proof

The Associated Sanctuary Cities Protocol must be filled out in advance and approved before applicants begin flying, driving, training or cycling to each city.

WikiLeekZ has also learned that major capitals throughout the world are contacting The Sanctuary Cities Association about details of implementation of their Extreme Vetting Protocol.

The SCA has also stated that associates and Trump family members will have to complete the forms as well and file their travel plans in advance.

Zeny

Trump to Auction Off Statue of Liberty....


WikiLeekZ is Our Name...Satire is Our Game


From AP...Trump to Halt Refugee Immigration for 4 months...


Exclusive from WikiLeekZ:

"Give me your tired, your poor, your huddled masses yearning to breathe free. The wretched refuse from your teeming shore. Send these, the homeless, the tempest-tossed to me. I lift my lamp beside the golden door"...Emma Lazarus          Chiseled on Statue of Liberty

WikiLeekZ has been passed information from Trump's inner circle by a person who had his first kiss from high on the Statue of Liberty in New York harbor.

Proposed Trump 2017 Executive Order #2,876

I, Donald John Trump, son of Fred Trump, pioneer Queens real estate developer, with the power invested in the office of the President of the United States, hereby decrees that the Statue of Liberty, located on Liberty Island, NYC, shall be placed in auction on July 4, 2017. It has become clear to me and others I know, that since my Inauguration, the inscription no longer applies to the America First, United States.

"How can America be First when millions of wretched, tired, poor masses invade America from their teeming shores?

Anyway, the sale will help fund the Wall just as proceeds from my sanctioned  sales of the Plymouth Rock, the Golden Gate Bridge and Independence Hall have. And, since they are very old and no longer in use, I plan to sell the Constitution, Declaration of Independence and the Great Law of Peace...the Constitution of the Iroquois Nation. All told, after commission is paid, the Wall will be paid for prior to completion."

"Would somebody wipe those tears from Lady Liberty's eyes?"

"By the way, the President casually remarked, Don, Jr is handling all sales and, as a Patriot, has graciously reduced his fee from 60% to 47% of gross".

Zeny

WikiLeekZ


January 24, 2017

Alec Baldwin Inks Deal With MGM


WikiLeekZ has learned today from our Hollywood reporter that Alec Baldwin has signed on to reprise his SNL role as Donald J Trump for 4 movies to be made within this coming 4 year period. Baldwin's salary is confidential, but it is assumed that these films will put him into Trump's net worth territory. That salary will be donated to Planned Parenthood and will soon be revealed by the real, factual WikiLeaks. Planned Parenthood is skeptical that the amount will help bigly.

The first film is rumored to be titled   1984 Revisited.

Kelly Anne Conway has pushed back furiously on the proposed project saying that the President would rather have Robert Redford or Sean Connery play his character.

Baldwin responded that perhaps Kelly Anne got it all wrong and that the movie deal story may possibly, perhaps be in fact, an Alternative Fact, in fact.

The second film's tentative title is   12 Angry Men Revisited. Casting is still going on for the characters Melania, Pence, Ivana and Steve Bannon and many others.
Casting directors are reviewing many films including The Stepford Wives, V for Vendetta and Batman for character development and makeup.

Coming soon to a theatre near you!

Zeny

WikiLeekZ



The Emperor and the Amen Corner


Yesterday morning, the President walked into the Oval Office wearing a long red tie, black socks and a red baseball hat emblazoned with THE EMPEROR.

Priebus, Conway, Kushner and Spicer looked up from their briefing books, saw that he had no clothes except for a hat, tie and socks, and in unison, said "Good morning, Mr President"

"Good morning staff, isn't it a bit chilly in here"? He asked.

"Yes, it is", they answered together."

"What's everyone staring at", Trump asked.

"Uh, it's your hat, Mr President, it's a very nice red color. Nice tie too, very good that it's so looong" they recited together.

"Yeah, Eric had it made especially for me. He trade marked the design, so I'll be the only one in America to have one".

"Won't you please have a seat, sir?", the chorus almost begged him.

Trump sat down and began shuffling papers in an off handed way, not paying attention to anything in particular, even those marked in fire engine red with LOOK AT THIS NOW!, received no attention.

"Hey, would someone get me a fur towel or something? This chair is freezing my ass off. And would someone turn up the heat and get me a hot tea"?

The staff was slightly more comfortable now, but not entirely. They could not avert their gazes at the President, sitting behind that historic desk, gazing at a big, pasty, white mass of flesh, a red hat on top of orange hair and a bright red tie. They couldn't see the socks, nor were they going to look under the table.They were so transfixed that they didn't notice Barron as he entered the room.

"Hey Dad, you don't have any clothes on".

"Of course he does" KellyAnne retorted, "now just run along".

Barron backed out of the Oval Office looking alternately at his dad and the staff with a puzzled look on his face.

After Barron left, Trump declared..."great job staff, you all get a raise. You passed my test. You didn't disagree with anything I said or did and that's the way I want it...just like you've all done since I declared. Now, let's get down to business; how can we best market and make money from this Emperor hat"?

"It's still cold in here, would someone turn up the heat"?

Zeny

 Trump meets with Top US Scientists:                     

 WikiLeekZ                                                    

                                                  

                       “Satire Is Our Game, WikiLeekZ Is Our Name”

January 9, 2017

WikiLeekZ learned the...

Today, at the urging of VP Elect Pence and possible Cabinet member Ben Carson, Donald Trump and a selected group of his advisers met with scientists from NOAA, the National Science Foundation and NASA to discuss Trump and Pence's scientific theories. Scott Pruitt, climate change denier will join Trump’s ‘science’ team as well. 

PEOTUS wants to be sure that the assembled ‘so-called’scientists understand that the Earth is really flat, global climate change is a Huge Chinese hoax and that the Sun continues to revolve around the Earth. To bolster Trump's arguments, he brought the majority owner of the Supermarket Rack Journal of Science, the Breitbart News editor-in-chief of the Rumors, Conspiracies and Faux News section and lastly, the new weather person/ Miss Teen Tractor Pull for KRAZ TV, OKC.

Pence and Carson are particularly interested in being sure that the scientists understand and are wholeheartedly in agreement with their premise that the Earth is about 6,000-10,000 (give or take) years old and that dinosaurs and humans roamed the Earth at the same time. Pence has secured the Creationist expert, Ken Hamm, the developer of the Noah's Ark theme park in Kentucky to bolster their argument.

The meeting was held in a Trump Tower and, according to Trump, lasted as long as necessary...which wasn't very long because his expert team very quickly deemed the scientists ignorant and unwilling to take into consideration any of Trump's panel of ‘expert ’assertions. As an example of the small mindedness of the assembled scientists, Trump cited the unassailable fact that it was presently snowing in NYC in the face of the global warming claims of the scientists. "Duh", Trump exclaimed. "Case closed".

Trump was in the process of explaining to the assembled press corps that the scientist present at the meeting would all be fired for gross incompetence...when he was interrupted by an aide who whispered to Trump that all of the scientists had already resigned en masse and were now making snowballs and would soon invade the lobby. A cheer arose from some of the members of the press; other reporters were silent in hopes of gaining an interview with Mr Trump and having a chance for a selfie with Trump.

A sizable number of scientists from institutions such as Cal, MIT, Stanford and Cal Tech said that they would be examining the possibility of the validity of Trump's theories. Coincidentally, these same scientists have research grants under review by incoming Trump Administration appointees in February 2017. The research scientists’ spokesman, without even a slight hint of irony, declared that the two events are not in any way related. Subsequently, 100% of these same scientists used Twitter to back up the spokesman's statements.

"The heavens revolve daily and, immense as is their fabric and inconceivable the rapidity of their revolutions, we experience no concussion.... How could the earth hang suspended in the air were it not upheld by God's hand? By what means could it maintain itself unmoved, while the heavens above are in constant rapid motion, did not its Divine Maker fix and establish it”…Tolosani (16^th C Dominican Theologian-Astronomer) in refutation of Copernicus.

Zeny