Trump and Kim trade Penis Envy Missile Shots…World holds its Collective Breath for next 9 Months

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WikiLeekZ reports that…in a See What I’ve Got message to the North Korean Leader, Trump launched a cascade of big, phallic-shaped exploding missiles on Syria.

In response to Trump, and to adoring masses and parading soldiers, Kim shows off his colossal array of long and powerful rockets ready to explode with huge orgiastic symbolism.  

*Goose-stepping soldiers looked adoringly at Kim while his phallic projectiles were paraded, one can only imagine the devastating power of his Penis Envy.

Not to be out-done by Kim’s display of Manhood, Trump put to bed for good the rumor of his small hands-small penis problem when he explodes MOAB, the biggest bomb explosion in history (short of a nuclear bomb) scattering his Seeds of Destruction throughout the land and once again proving his devastating Manhood.

And then, *within days of Trump showing us just how big his is with that Moab strike in Afghanistan, Kim of Pyongyang tested a new missile of its own. Although it reportedly exploded prematurely on launch.

For a feminine perspective on all of this ‘I’ll show you Mine if You Show Me Yours’ schoolboy dust up, WikiLeekZ turns to anti-nuclear advocate, Helen Caldicott who wrote in Missile Envy, the Arms Race and Nuclear War…

“I recently watched a filmed launching of a MX missile. It rose slowly out of the ground surrounded by smoke and flames…and elongated into the air. It was indeed a very sexual sight and when armed with the 10 warheads, it will explode with the most mighty orgasm”.

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** Matthew Norman @IndyVoices

UAL CEO Oscar Munoz rolls out new customer policies for oversold flights in wake of “re-accommodate” action.

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WikiLeekZ learned today that United Airlines CEO, Oscar Munoz will introduce a new ‘overbooked flight’ set of policies. According to Munoz, the new policies will enable passengers to completely understand what they are getting into before boarding a UAL flight.

1) Complimentary armed service escort while under orders to deplane unexpectedly

2) Instead of offering incentives to passengers on over-booked flights, UAL will promise passengers that they will not be unduly manhandled or forcefully removed from planes…on a first come first served basis only

3) Before purchasing tickets, potential passengers will be asked to sign a waiver absolving UAL of any culpability resulting from medical emergencies such as heart attacks caused by viewing dangerous, chaotic behavior on the part of airport police because of the removal of passengers in possession of valid tickets

4) UAL passengers must turn in any and all image creating devices before boarding oversold flights... These devices will be returned to their rightful owners upon de-planning. If a passenger is among those removed before the flight has taken off, your devices can be recovered for a small charge at the Atlanta Lost and Found Warehouse.

5) UAL passengers are advised that the Men In Black MEMORY LOSS technology may be used on passengers at the end of any oversold flight. Sunglasses are not allowed on board for these flights.

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WikiLeekZ has just received an advance copy of the ABMTA Press Release.

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The American Bomb Manufactures Trade Association (ABMTA), issues the following Press release today in the wake of the Tomahawk Missile attack on the Syrian air base:

As the largest trade association in the world in terms of munitions manufactured, sales to corrupt, dangerous dictators and others and, most importantly, the most babies, women and civilian men killed, we are surprised and offended (and our feelings hurt) at the Trump response to mere dozens of kids and women exterminated in the recent Syrian Sarin gas attack.

Our bombs, shells, grenades and mines have wiped out at least a thousand times more humans than this latest gas attack in Syrian in the past 5 years. In addition, my god, Trump should see the mayhem a barrel bomb causes to a peaceful village. The victims are, for the most part, shredded to pieces immediately and the blood and the body parts!…Trump should see those stills and videos. We can supply films and videos to the president from our vast treasure trove of bombing disasters the ABMTA has collected over the last 100 years. Just ask.

It is our sincere feeling that should the president view, in depth, the disasters and pain and suffering our munitions cause, he would say that ‘nobody knew such horrible things could happen to little babies and children, innocent children”.

And then, he would act as he did recently with another round of missiles, which would make the ABMTA very pleased and would put us, belatedly, on the same high status as the chemical warfare crowd.

WikiLeekZ has reached out to the American Warfare Chemical Society for comment…The AWCS issued a response which read in part …

“the ABMTA should immediately close their windows and start examining their heating and air conditioning units. They also may want to make a buying trip to the local Army used equipment store and pick up a supply of gas masks”!

WikiLeekZ is NOT the NEWZ, But May Be Someday

Trump Seeks to Monetize Syrian Strike...

WikiLeekZ is Our Name...Satire is Our Game

WikiLeekZ is curious as to why Trump gathered his top Economic and Communications specialists to view and consult with during the Syrian Missile attack. Trump did this instead of relying upon the professional collection of top Military, Diplomatic and National Security Advisors President Obama had gathered around him to take part in the bin Laden Operation. Trump assembled 3 military advisors and 12 others who had absolutely none or just fleeting experience in the Military, National Security realm or Diplomatic field to assist and advise him.   

The reason (WikiLeekZ guesses) of this assemblage was to figure out how to Monetize the Syrian Tomahawk Missile Strike so that He could address the American people and extol the economic virtues of the strike. The financial guys present…Treasury and Budget secretaries suggested that more Tomahawk Missiles would have to be manufactured and explosives be made to replace the 59 spent missiles. 

The assembled Communications experts went to work immediately to devise a plan on how to sell the strike to Americans and came up with a one word idea...JOBS! (They soon had to admit that they got the idea from JEB!).

Jared Kushner, famed military theorist, and Trump’s son-in-law, came up with the idea to sell the Syrians on a new bomb-proof hotel now under development by the Trump Organization, called the Tremendous Trump BPH (Bomb Proof Hotel)…sold, of course with the guarantee that after the hotel is built and paid for, Trump would not target any Syrian TTBPH's for the following 4 years.

It soon became clear to WikiLeekZ that, in essence, Tillerson and the military guys were there just for the photo op. They left the conference room right after the photo was taken and real advisors got back to the important work. Make Trump Great Again!. Why else, in Heaven's name, would they be there?

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Ailes and Cosby lend Support to O'Reilly

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Fox News Inks Huge New Advertisers

WikiLeekZ has learned today that the Fox News Sales Department has replaced Mercedes Benz, Kia and 16 other advertisers on the Bill O’Reilly Show. Fox News now has signed contracts with companies including the Ashley Jefferson dating service, Spartan Condoms, Colt 22.5 Malt Liquor and Play Guy Magazine.

The Sales Department also states that yesterday, Mr O’Reilly has received messages of support from Jimmy Swaggart, Ted Haggard and Jim and Tammy Faye Bakker. And just this morning, Roger Ailes and Bill Cosby called to offer advice and counsel to Mr O’Reilly. Tonight, Mr O’Reilly will dine with the president and exchange personal experiences and swap ideas and stories.

Fox News Polling Department would like everyone to know that at least 45% of Male viewers support and would like to emulate Mr O’Reilly. The Polling department saw no reason to poll Female Fox viewers.

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The WikileekZ  First Annual International HUGE Trump Write-Alike Competition

“Make America Laugh Again”

Rules:

Be Funny/Satirical

Mention WikiLeekZ

Utilize at Least 2 Actual Trump Quotations

Limited to 500 Words or Less

Open to All *Americans

Fine Print:

Deadline: May 8, 2017

Submissions: e-mail to cizen@aol.com ...subject line HUGE

Winners Announced and Published at WikiLeekZ.blogspot.com about end of May

WikiLeekZ alone will choose Winners and All of the Rest are Losers and Disasters!

Prizes:

First Place : One 16x20 or larger ($235.00 Value), Fine Art Photograph by Zeny of NYC (Zeny’s Choice)

Second Place: Two Matted 8x10 Photographs ($100.00 Value) of NYC (Zeny’s Choice)

Third Place: One Matted 8x10 Color Photograph ($50.00 Value) of NYC (Zeny’s Choice)

Prizes are awarded in NYC photographs, not cash.

WikiLeekZ encourages authors to submit a 'tremendously great page of horribly bad Trump' in the ‘Trumpian’ style.

“Make America Laugh Again”

*Including Immigrants, Muslims, Women, LGBT, Mexicans, etc, etc, even The 35%...you know who you are.

WikiLeekZ is Our Name...Satire is Our Game

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A WikiLeekZ Exclusive…Tremendous Trump Transformation!

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A White House source has revealed to WikiLeekZ that Donald Trump has enrolled in an Anger Management Class beginning today.

On the Same Day, our sources tell us that Trump will announce that he will join Bernie Sanders and support Single Payer Health Care in America.

He will also personally sponsor two Planned Parenthood medical offices in Texas regions where they are most needed. He will renege on his Planned Parenthood signature saying that he was temporarily stupid at the time of signing.

Today will also be the day that he announces that he will withdraw his plans for the WALL and will ask all of his White House advisors to testify before the House and Senate Intelligence Committees and the FBI if necessary and tell the truth.

Later today, Trump will ask for the resignations of and replace most of his Cabinet Secretaries, and form a bi-partisan working group to choose competent, dedicated professionals to run their offices with skill and knowledge of the department.

At dinner tonight, with Merrit Garland, he will ask him to replace Gorsuch as the Supreme Court nominee and will change his budget priorities to reflect what is important to Americans in the 90 percentile.

And, at 11:56 pm, today, he will Tweet… Happy April Fool’s Day, Losers!

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