"This is more work than in my previous life. I thought it would be easier." Trump told Reuters in an interview.

WikiLeekZ is Our Name...Satire is Our Game

WikiLeekZ admires and understands Trump’s candor…

In a far-ranging, somewhat perplexing and puzzling interview with Reuters, Trump voiced the universally understood reality that being President is hard work.

 

WikiLeekZ, along with Trump, is astonished that running the most important country in the whole world would be much more difficult than being a reality show host and serial lecher. Who knew?

WikiLeekZ also discovered that Trump didn’t know that these occupations (among others) were also more difficult than being a TV show host…

Being a single mom with 3 kids and going to college while providing food and shelter for her kids. Or being a combat soldier, under fire from enemies in Afghanistan… trying to save the life of a fellow soldier who has been wounded in the battle. I'm astonished!, Trump might have said.

Trump continued his interview with Reuters by stating…

"I loved my previous life. I had so many things going". I could eat all of the chocolate cake I wanted and go to parties with beautiful young women and not be burdened with policy decisions like missiles, disease, floods and the fake press.

He also related that he misses driving and can’t believe the great change in his life.

WikileekZ notes the somewhat puzzling disconnect of this the ‘great change’ in Trumps new life. In his old life, he used to fly down to Mar a Lago frequently to golf and hob nob with his one-tenth of one percent acquaintances. Now, as President, he actually visits his club even more frequently.

In talking of privacy, he expressed surprise at how little he had now.

"You're really into your own little cocoon, because you have such massive protection that you really can't go anywhere," he said.

WikiLeekZ has learned from a Trump confidant, who will remain anonymous, that what Trump yearns for are the good old days when he could walk up to a pretty young woman and express his interests in her ‘great attributes’…all without a guy with an earpiece and a gun telling him… “she hasn’t been vetted properly, sir”.

WikiLeekZ is NOT the NEWZ, But May Be Someday

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Wall Street Shows Obama the Money, right!

WikiLeekZ is Our Name, Satire is Our Game

WikiLeekZ has recently learned that former President Obama is finally getting paid for all of the service he’s performed for the nation…and he deserves it, right? The $400,000 he’ll be paid for giving one speech at a health care seminar sponsored by Wall Street firm Cantor Fitzgerald certainly is not a down payment for not prosecuting a single Wall Street executive in the wake of the Great Recession or for not reinstating Glass-Steagall, right?

The Obama family needs the money right? The purported $65,000,000 he and Michelle will receive from Penguin-Random House for their memoirs can’t alone be expected to provide an income for the entire family, right?

Let’s not forget the $200,000 federal government pension each year for life he’ll be getting…that will help make ends meet for the Obama family as they scrape by. 

If things get really tight, he can continue writing more best-selling books and stay with his wealthy friends around the world…getting to their private islands and estates in their private planes and most probably, even having his meals comped.

It seems as if Obama has learned at least one thing from Hillary…Wall Street has the money for you if you do right by them, right? 

WikiLeekZ is NOT the NEWZ, But May Be Someday

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Trump gains long-sought victory

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Trump Trumpets Total Triumph in Television Totals

WikiLeekZ has intercepted a memo that Donald Trump has sent to Melania exalting in his long desired goal. Trump Trumpeted his total victorious wipe out of the entire Kardashian Klan in that memo to Melania! "Now do you believe I'm the greatest"?, he asked.

Just completed scientific research by a famous East Coast University has announced that since the primaries, actually that first escalator entrance at Trump Tower, the entire Kardashian Klan has virtually disappeared in the wake of Trump’s total domination of all forms of media.

Trump stands far above the second place Mike Flynn with Kelly Anne Conway   dropping to a distant 3^rd. Gone are the days when KKK… Kim, Khloe and Kayne dominated the social media and traditional media platforms, adding millions to the family coffers.  

Instead, the entire Trump family is raking in the cash directly attributed to the new-found fame of the Trump Brand. Even Bruce’s makeover was just a momentary blip on the Trump  Brand ascendance.

WikiLeekZ can only imagine the depression that Paris Hilton, Lindsay Lohan and Justin Bieber along with KKK must be feeling at this time. It is a well-known fact that pr specialists and their agents are staying awake nights trying to figure out how to top the pr genius of Donald Trump. 

One agent conceded that Trump is light years ahead of anything that they can conjure up to grab sensational headlines in order to compete with his irrational proclamations and off the wall Tweets.

One once-famous personality, in a bid for just a moment of fame, considered going over Niagara Falls in a barrel…until he found out that Paris Hilton had already tried that. Not one single person in North America knew about Hilton’s attempt because it happened the same morning that Trump tweeted about President Obama tapping his phones.

WikiLeekZ is NOT the NEWZ, But May Be Someday

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Trump and Kim trade Penis Envy Missile Shots…World holds its Collective Breath for next 9 Months

WikiLeekZ is Our Name...Satire is Our Game

WikiLeekZ reports that…in a See What I’ve Got message to the North Korean Leader, Trump launched a cascade of big, phallic-shaped exploding missiles on Syria.

In response to Trump, and to adoring masses and parading soldiers, Kim shows off his colossal array of long and powerful rockets ready to explode with huge orgiastic symbolism.  

*Goose-stepping soldiers looked adoringly at Kim while his phallic projectiles were paraded, one can only imagine the devastating power of his Penis Envy.

Not to be out-done by Kim’s display of Manhood, Trump put to bed for good the rumor of his small hands-small penis problem when he explodes MOAB, the biggest bomb explosion in history (short of a nuclear bomb) scattering his Seeds of Destruction throughout the land and once again proving his devastating Manhood.

And then, *within days of Trump showing us just how big his is with that Moab strike in Afghanistan, Kim of Pyongyang tested a new missile of its own. Although it reportedly exploded prematurely on launch.

For a feminine perspective on all of this ‘I’ll show you Mine if You Show Me Yours’ schoolboy dust up, WikiLeekZ turns to anti-nuclear advocate, Helen Caldicott who wrote in Missile Envy, the Arms Race and Nuclear War…

“I recently watched a filmed launching of a MX missile. It rose slowly out of the ground surrounded by smoke and flames…and elongated into the air. It was indeed a very sexual sight and when armed with the 10 warheads, it will explode with the most mighty orgasm”.

WikiLeekZ is NOT the NEWZ, But May Be Someday

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** Matthew Norman @IndyVoices

UAL CEO Oscar Munoz rolls out new customer policies for oversold flights in wake of “re-accommodate” action.

WikiLeekZ is Our name...Satire is Our Game

WikiLeekZ learned today that United Airlines CEO, Oscar Munoz will introduce a new ‘overbooked flight’ set of policies. According to Munoz, the new policies will enable passengers to completely understand what they are getting into before boarding a UAL flight.

1) Complimentary armed service escort while under orders to deplane unexpectedly

2) Instead of offering incentives to passengers on over-booked flights, UAL will promise passengers that they will not be unduly manhandled or forcefully removed from planes…on a first come first served basis only

3) Before purchasing tickets, potential passengers will be asked to sign a waiver absolving UAL of any culpability resulting from medical emergencies such as heart attacks caused by viewing dangerous, chaotic behavior on the part of airport police because of the removal of passengers in possession of valid tickets

4) UAL passengers must turn in any and all image creating devices before boarding oversold flights... These devices will be returned to their rightful owners upon de-planning. If a passenger is among those removed before the flight has taken off, your devices can be recovered for a small charge at the Atlanta Lost and Found Warehouse.

5) UAL passengers are advised that the Men In Black MEMORY LOSS technology may be used on passengers at the end of any oversold flight. Sunglasses are not allowed on board for these flights.

WikiLeekZ is NOT the NEWZ, But May Be Someday

WikiLeekZ has just received an advance copy of the ABMTA Press Release.

WikiLeekZ is Our Name...Satire is Our Game

The American Bomb Manufactures Trade Association (ABMTA), issues the following Press release today in the wake of the Tomahawk Missile attack on the Syrian air base:

As the largest trade association in the world in terms of munitions manufactured, sales to corrupt, dangerous dictators and others and, most importantly, the most babies, women and civilian men killed, we are surprised and offended (and our feelings hurt) at the Trump response to mere dozens of kids and women exterminated in the recent Syrian Sarin gas attack.

Our bombs, shells, grenades and mines have wiped out at least a thousand times more humans than this latest gas attack in Syrian in the past 5 years. In addition, my god, Trump should see the mayhem a barrel bomb causes to a peaceful village. The victims are, for the most part, shredded to pieces immediately and the blood and the body parts!…Trump should see those stills and videos. We can supply films and videos to the president from our vast treasure trove of bombing disasters the ABMTA has collected over the last 100 years. Just ask.

It is our sincere feeling that should the president view, in depth, the disasters and pain and suffering our munitions cause, he would say that ‘nobody knew such horrible things could happen to little babies and children, innocent children”.

And then, he would act as he did recently with another round of missiles, which would make the ABMTA very pleased and would put us, belatedly, on the same high status as the chemical warfare crowd.

WikiLeekZ has reached out to the American Warfare Chemical Society for comment…The AWCS issued a response which read in part …

“the ABMTA should immediately close their windows and start examining their heating and air conditioning units. They also may want to make a buying trip to the local Army used equipment store and pick up a supply of gas masks”!

WikiLeekZ is NOT the NEWZ, But May Be Someday

Trump Seeks to Monetize Syrian Strike...

WikiLeekZ is Our Name...Satire is Our Game

WikiLeekZ is curious as to why Trump gathered his top Economic and Communications specialists to view and consult with during the Syrian Missile attack. Trump did this instead of relying upon the professional collection of top Military, Diplomatic and National Security Advisors President Obama had gathered around him to take part in the bin Laden Operation. Trump assembled 3 military advisors and 12 others who had absolutely none or just fleeting experience in the Military, National Security realm or Diplomatic field to assist and advise him.   

The reason (WikiLeekZ guesses) of this assemblage was to figure out how to Monetize the Syrian Tomahawk Missile Strike so that He could address the American people and extol the economic virtues of the strike. The financial guys present…Treasury and Budget secretaries suggested that more Tomahawk Missiles would have to be manufactured and explosives be made to replace the 59 spent missiles. 

The assembled Communications experts went to work immediately to devise a plan on how to sell the strike to Americans and came up with a one word idea...JOBS! (They soon had to admit that they got the idea from JEB!).

Jared Kushner, famed military theorist, and Trump’s son-in-law, came up with the idea to sell the Syrians on a new bomb-proof hotel now under development by the Trump Organization, called the Tremendous Trump BPH (Bomb Proof Hotel)…sold, of course with the guarantee that after the hotel is built and paid for, Trump would not target any Syrian TTBPH's for the following 4 years.

It soon became clear to WikiLeekZ that, in essence, Tillerson and the military guys were there just for the photo op. They left the conference room right after the photo was taken and real advisors got back to the important work. Make Trump Great Again!. Why else, in Heaven's name, would they be there?

WikiLeekZ is NOT the NEWZ, But May Be Someday

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