Kim Jung Un Passes Trump Extreme Vetting Process

“We’re having very good discussions. Kim Jong-un, he really has been very open and I think very honorable, from everything we’re seeing”, Mr Trump told reporters in the Oval Office today.

WikiLeekZ is Our Name…Satire is Our Game

The Leader of North Korea, Kim Jung Un, evidentially has passed President Trump’s Professional Vetting Process the same week that the actions of Admiral Ronny Jackson, nominated by Trump to be the new VA leader, have been called into question.

Earlier, Dr Jackson, too, seemingly passed Trump’s Vetting Protocol because he was nominated last month by Trump to lead the second largest department of the government.

It is believed that EPA Administrator, Scott Pruitt, Housing Secretary Ben Carson, Education Secretary DeVos, Interior Secretary Zinke, National Security Advisor Mike Flynn, Campaign Manager Paul Manafort, Secretary Price, Secretary Mulvaney, etc., etc were all Vetted and Approved by Trump under the same procedures.

Trump deemed it unnecessary for Jared, Ivanka, Priebus, Gorka and Bannon to undergo the same rigorous Vetting Process and that turned out quite well too.

WikiLeekZ has heard that it is more difficult to get a Fishing license, a Swamp-Clearing License or a Library card in the District of Columbia than it is to be Vetted by Trump.

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Trump and Putin in Dueling Hooker Contest

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A redacted version of fired Former FBI Director James Comey’s memos was released to various Republican House Committees yesterday with the expectation that the memos would help in clearing the President in regard to this Russia conspiracy mess. Really? What were they thinking?

WikiLeekZ has learned that according to the documents (memos), in a conversation in February 2017, Mr Trump told Mr Comey how Mr Putin had told him “Russia had some of the most beautiful hookers in the world".

So is that what world leaders really talk about when chatting with OUR President?

It turns out that Trump was extremely angry with Putin’s allegation. WikiLeekZ has learned that Trump assured Putin that the USA had by far the world’s most beautiful hookers, they’re the best, and continued his denunciation of Putin’s statement by saying that he’s sampled hookers from more than 45 countries, including at the Ritz Carlton in Russia and he guarantees there nothing like USA hookers! USA, USA, USA he chanted. Not only in beauty but America is first in Golden Shower Hookers…I can attest to that, he added.

To their amazement, Trump and Putin heard French President Macron and Prime Minister Teresa May break into the conversation touting the beauty of their respective nations’ prostitutes. They confessed that their intelligence services had tapped into the White House Russia Hotline and that the honor of France and England were at stake.

Confusion, shouting, boasts and scorn reigned for a few minutes until May suggested that at the next G-7 Summit, one day could be devoted to Hooker Day and this pressing international issue could be settled once and for all. She also insisted that a male version should be held concurrently and that she would volunteer as a judge.

So, it was settled. The pageant would be held when and only if the economic, hunger, trade, nuclear weaponry, the Middle East crisis and climate change issues were addressed and settled. It was immediately agreed upon.

Everyone exchanged pleasant goodbyes…secure in the knowledge that world problems would be resolved, that their countries would proudly bring home golden trophies; proving that the oldest profession may indeed solve the world’s problems.

WikiLeekZ is NOT the NEWZ, But May Be Someday

KRAIG’S LISTING

April 8, 2018

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HELP WANTED WASHINGTON DC

THE WHITE HOUSE    Donald J Trump

WANTED:

Lawyer: No experience necessary. Must have license to practice in WDC, NY & CA

Location: Be willing to settle in the WDC area instantly

Responsibilities: Must be ready to immediately be engaged in one or all of these on-going cases:

1. Non-Disclosure Agreement
2. Collusion, conspiracy and/or obstruction of justice
3. Financial shenanigans with Russia
4. Sexual Harassment Charges

Remuneration : high expectations...little chance of actually being paid

Client: Is untruthful, lies a lot, is untrustworthy but demands loyalty, does not follow advice, does not read, takes legal advice from Fox TV analysts, has history of firing staff on a whim, is narcissistic and has strange hair.

Reality: You will be scorned by all of your friends, lose your girl/boyfriend be frustrated beyond measure, will probably lose law license and after months of intense work, be fired without cause.

Compensation: If you have somehow avoided signing a NDA, you will be able to write an insider book based on your adventures with DJT and sell millions!

WikiLeekZ is NOT the NEWZ, But May Be Someday

A Presidential Easter Greeting from Florida

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My Fellow Americans, let me begin my Easter greeting to all Americans by wishing each and every one of you a Happy Easter or, perhaps a Happy Weekend with Family and Friends.

In the spirit of Universal Love and Friendship,  I have invited all of my past and present Cabinet members and White House Staff to Mar a Lago to give them my thanks and tell them of my deep appreciation for the service they’ve given to me and to our beloved country.

I will also apologize to those I’ve mistreated in any way and beg them for forgiveness during this Holy Week.  I sincerely hope to reconcile our differences and ask them all if I may call upon them in the future for advice and counsel when warranted.

I have also sent out letters to our great nation’s top scientists, artists, students, historians and theologians asking them to convene with me in Washington DC next week to explore how we might go forward in making our country great again for all of its citizens; especially those in need of medical attention and shelter.

On a personal note, I’ve reunited with Melania and I humbly ask all of those men who have taken advantage of young women in the past to reach out to them and offer their apologies…as I have done this week.

I ask all Americans to go forth in the spirit of our great teachers and spiritual leaders and help one another to achieve each of our individual goals and make American a shining example of respect for all its citizens.

The last thing I ask of all of you is to look at the calendar and notice that it’s April First and that anyone who had their hopes raised…Forgetaboutit!

WikiLeekZ is NOT the NEWZ, But May Be Someday

Trump announces Potential Legal Dream Team

“Many lawyers and top law firms want to represent me in the Russia case...don’t believe the Fake News narrative that it is hard to find a lawyer who wants to take this on. Fame & fortune will NEVER be turned down by a lawyer, though some are conflicted”. -Donald J Trump

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In the wake of the abrupt dismissal of potential Trump lawyers... Joe di Genova, Fox News legal commentator, and his wife Victoria Toensing, the White House has issued the following statement…

…To prove that the President is considering only top people in the legal profession, the White House Communications Director, at the request of the President, has released a list of lawyers along with their credentials whom Trump is seeking to represent him in the Russia matter.

Trump stated that he has seen all of these very fine individuals in action, some of them many times in re-runs, and that he has 100% confidence that they will act in the appropriate way. Trump further stated that many are award-winning.

Trump added…I am confident that when all is said and done, I will have assembled one of the most unique legal teams in history.

Attorneys                            Credentials

Tom Cruise                        A Few Good Men

Gregory Peck                     To Kill a Mockingbird

Reese Witherspoon            Legally Blonde

Paul Newman                    The Verdict

Joe Pesci                                 My Cousin Vinny 

Raymond Burr                        Perry Mason

Andy Griffith                           Matlock

Tom Hanks                              Philadelphia

Bob Odenkirk                   (Saul Goodman)      Better Call Saul

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March Madness Comes in like a Storm from the White House

WikiLeekZ suggests that we forget the traditional Basketball March Madness and look to the White House for the Real March Madness.

WikiLeekZ is Our Name…Satire is Our Game

In an effort to make Americans forget about former Apprentice star, Summer Zervos, who is suing Trump for sexual harassment, Stormy Daniels, who is scheduled to be on 60 Minutes this Sunday and Karen McDougal, who just finished an enlightening interview on CNN, President Trump has been storm-tweeting a whole host of astonishing, controversial firings, appointments and announcements.

It’s as if these 3 ladies are guiding the Ship of State in the form of Trump’s machinations. Trump has been pulling out every play in his playbook to distract Americans from paying attention to 3 women with whom Trump has been involved…at least 2 of whom while married to his present wife, Melania.

 

The scope of changes and pronouncements has been overwhelming and ultimately, far-reaching for American trade policy, the economy and foreign and military strategy…and all because of 3 women in his past.

Who would have thought that an adult film actress and Playboy model could wield such power as to have the Secretary of State and National Security Advisor fired?

Or, that tariffs on steel and aluminum and a face-to-face meeting with North Korea would have been brought about because of sordid trysts by a pre-presidential Donald Trump? What could these women have on him that has made him change the course of American and world history?

   

And, WikiLeekZ asks, what might he yet do in the very near future to further divert attention from these earlier dalliances?

1)      Fire Mueller and replace him with Alan Dershowitz?

2)      Pardon everyone indicted by Mueller plus all others for any future indictments

3)      Give Israel & Saudi Arabia the go ahead to engage in surgical bombing of Iran

4)      Arrest all 20 of his women accusers and their attorneys for Un-American Activities

Stay tuned to see what Trump will conjure up next.

WikiLeekZ is NOT the NEWZ, But May Be Someday.

TRUMP KICKED OUT OF WHITE HOUSE

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WikiLeekZ has learned from a White House domestic staffer that Trump was kicked out of the White House by Melania late last night during a loud shouting match between the President and First Lady. The First Lady was heard to yell many words in the Slovenia language, but occasional English words such as Stormy, sharks, Cohen, sluts, porn stars and divorce were distinctly heard as well.

The on-duty Secret Service agents were so intimidated by the raging First Lady that they were afraid to interfere and had to call for backup.

By the time back up arrived, the front lawn of the White House was strewn with dozens of Trump’s favorite possessions. His golf clubs, wedding albums, red ties and MAGA hats, cartons of hair care products, stacks of unsold Art of the Deal books and many large screen TV’s were scattered about.

There was even a harpooned large plastic shark with a brass plate inscribed...See what I did for you. No more worries. Stormy.

The President, cowed by Melania, was seen dejectedly walking down Pennsylvania Avenue in pj’s, slippers and robe heading for his hotel, hoping they weren’t overbooked. While walking, he called Don, Jr, Eric and Ivanka and asked them if they could sneak in and retrieve a suit, red tie and shirt along with some of his most prized possessions, including his boyhood snow sled.

As he was walking away, he could hear Melania shouting at him that she was filing for divorce, had a divorce lawyer, a book agent and  multi-million dollar deals with a book publisher and a contract with a movie producer. She didn’t need his money because her first book....Tiny Hands, Tiny PENIS would soon be in print. And, she added, she was changing the locks on the White House doors!

WikiLeekZ is NOT the NEWZ, But May Be Someday