WikiLeekZ is Our Name…Satire is Our Game

trump to relieve Americans of onerous civic duty… but scares the crap out of most patriotic people!

“You won’t have to vote anymore,” - trumpWikiLeekZ is Our Name…Satire is Our Game

trump to relieve Americans of onerous civic duty… but scares the crap out of most patriotic people!

“You won’t have to vote anymore,” - trump

Just when WikiLeekZ thought that trump had exhausted his boxcar-filled dangerous, stupid, authoritarian, fascists-like thoughts and statements…this was uttered by trump yesterday.

Trump told Christians on Friday to vote “just this time”. “You have to get out and vote”.

“You won’t have to do it anymore — four more years, you know what? It’ll be fixed, it’ll be fine. You won’t have to vote anymore,” the former president told the crowd at the Believers Summit, a faith-focused event in Florida. –HuffPost  By Ben Blanchet Jul 27, 2024, 02:14 AM EDT & CNN, NYT, The Guardian, etc

And, now, to celebrate his most recent fascist uttering, he has two new wines he just launched in coordination with his latest dictatorial statement… Utter Bastard and Fat Bastard

This absolutely 1000% true, accurate and correct statement by trump is brought to you by –

wikiamericanewz - the remainder is satirical

WikiLeekZ is NOT the NEWZ, But May Be Someday

 

 

 

Leading Democrats back Kamala Harris as donations surge following Biden’s withdrawal from race” –the Guardian

WikiLeekZ is Our Name…Satire is Our Game  

A Requiem for a Hillbilly Hack…

WikiLeekZ has learned that since Biden has dropped out of the race, both trump and Vance have spent the last few hours thinking about their miserable futures. When trump and Vance got word that Biden would not be the Democratic nominee and Harris was the most likely replacement, they both wet their britches and began thinking of an exit strategy for themselves.

“Our asses are grass” they both agreed. “That mf……g prosecutor will skin us alive”!

With an almost certain November election loss, trump is considering flying to his pal in Russia as soon as possible so as to avoid an almost certain prison sentence because of all four of his court cases.

 “Did you hear what that prosecutor Kamala did to those drug dealers in California”     trump asked Melania?... as she was disinterestedly painting her nails during one of her monthly visits to Mar-A-Lago. Trump thought he detected an almost imperceptible Mona Lisa-like smile on her face; caused he surmised, by her glee. Trump was correct because Melania figured that either way, Russia or prison, she and Barron were free… “I thank my god, I really don’t care, do u”? she thought.

Vance had a somewhat different reaction because he knew that both he and trump would be  losers…of not only the election but it would end his short political career.

He had just gotten off the phone with Peter Theil, the billionaire who funded his Ohio senate election campaign, who said- “you’re a loser, JD, and I only back crazy, right wing winners. Don’t call me, and by the way, you owe me $567,390 .07 from the Ohio race you promised you’d pay if you didn’t become VP”.

So, there they both sat, in lonely isolation, unable to reach any of those bandage-wearing front-runner delegates and supporters who so lustily cheered them only a few days before.

“I guess I can take off that damn ear cover now” said trump flatly… to no one in particular… all of his toadies and ass-kissers had fled Mar-a-Lago … looking for another mother f…....ker they could count on winning.

For his part, Vance decided he would write a book about his recent short-lived political experiences. He would title it…

“A Requiem for a Hillbilly Hack”

WikiLeekZ is NOT the NEWZ, But May Be One Day

 

 

 

 

 

 

WikiLeekZ is Our Name…Satire is Our Game

Death by 1000 Cuts … Crime Wave Imminent

Joe Biden has been dying by a thousand cuts this week and in order to staunch the bleeding, he has come up with an interesting scheme.

Biden had spent Thursday night watching the republican National Convention shout and roar their approval at successive loud, coarse and deceitful speakers when a lightbulb flashed above his head.

The next morning he confided his plan to his four closest aids, who were skeptical at first, but eventually came around to his way of thinking.

“Here’s the deal”, he said:

“I’ve decided that I would embark upon a one-man crime wave”

 “you know, rob a couple of blind beggars”, spray graffiti – ‘trump sucks… Diet Coke’ and jump over NYC subway turnstiles”. He continued “of this is a strategy to win over some manly MAGA voters and unenthusiastic Dems”.

Biden argued to his trusted confidants that such a daring, macho persona would quiet the spineless Democratic money people, garner loads of publicity and, ”by the way” bring in a huge  donations. A trial would be the cherry on the cake.  He argued his strategy …somewhat convincingly to his four closest confidants…Jill, Hunter and their two German Shepherds, Champ and Major.

Jill had a few questions before signing off on the scheme:

Would the Secret Service be the get-away drivers?  Would he wear one of those Halloween Joe Biden masks?  Would he donate the stolen money to a charity?  If so which one?

There was a spirited argument among themselves for three different charities; the Humane Society won - with two votes. High Paws all around.

It was agreed that Hunter would be the get-away driver (despite having his driver’s license revoked), Jill would identify the two blind beggars and Champ and Major would create diversions for the crimes.

“If all goes well”  - whispered Biden,

“our gang will be identified before the Democratic convention in time for all of us to have  choice speaking slots”.

“Hey, it worked for them”, remarked Biden -  that was the clincher

Jill asked Joe…”Do you have a Plan B”?

“Yes, I do…Oprah Winfrey on the ticket” he enthusiastically answered

 

The New York Times headline two days after their caper …

Biden shoots up 12% in new poll!...New York Times/Siena Poll

WikiLeekZ is NOT the NEWZ, But May Be Someday

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

WikiLeekZ is Our Name…Satire is Our Game

Trump meets with Manafort, Navarro Bannon and Weisselberg at RNC

WikiLeekZ has just discovered that trump had a secret closed-door meeting at the Republican National Convention with former aids Paul Manafort and Peter Navarro to discuss what he might expect if he goes to prison. Allan Weisselberg and Steve Bannon, who are currently serving prison terms, could not attend in person, but joined in via Zoom.

trump had very specific, vital questions which he posed to the four jailbirds:

Do prisons have mirrors, combs and ‘Helmet spray’?     Will I be able to get my 6+ Diet Cokes per day?     Will there be a golden toilet for me to use?      How many days a week can I play golf at one of my golf clubs?       Are Big Macs, fries and shakes on the prison menu? Is Fox News on 24/7 in my cell?

What trump heard sent him into a deep funk and he asked- “well, how do these suckers and losers make it through their prison sentences”?

There was silence because no one had the heart to tell trump about the ‘being on your knees and the bending over’ solution.

WikiLeekZ is NOT the NEWZ, But May Be Someday

 WikiLeekZ is Our Name…Satire is Our Game

trump speaks causing God’s Feelings to be Hurt

“It was god alone who prevented the unthinkinable (sic) from happening”- trump to Jackson

 

“That chart that I was going over saved my life,” –trump in a telephone call to former White House physician, Ronny Jackson

“He goes”,-R Jackson, 

“The border patrol saved my life,’” Dr. Jackson recounted in an interview on Sunday. “I was going over that border patrol chart.”

 “He said”, - Jackson

 “If I hadn’t pointed at that chart and turned my head to look at it, that bullet would have hit me right in the head.”

“The Border Patrol saved me” - trump

After hearing trump at first give Her credit for saving him, God was pleased, but when She heard the rest of trump’s story Her feelings were hurt.

Trump’s confusing statements led the Secret Service to question trump about his Savior.

In another development, trump launched his own inquiry into the Miracle at Butler©, citing his complete mistrust of the Deep State FBI and USSS. He chose Jared Kushner and Rudolph Giuliani to head up the investigation, stating “they’re the best in the country”.

If WikiLeekZ has unintentionally offended anyone, WikiLeekZ apologizes                                                                                                     NO IT DOESN’T…IT’S SATIRE!

WikiLeekZ is NOT the NEWZ, 

 

WikiLeekZ is Our Name…Satire is Our Game

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#1    in                                                                                                    ASSASSINATIONS and  ASSASSINATION ATTEMPTS                                                     Of Political Leaders

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(partial listing)

 

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WikiLeekZ is NOT the NEWZ, But May Be Someday