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Death by 1000 Cuts … Crime Wave Imminent

Joe Biden has been dying by a thousand cuts this week and in order to staunch the bleeding, he has come up with an interesting scheme.

Biden had spent Thursday night watching the republican National Convention shout and roar their approval at successive loud, coarse and deceitful speakers when a lightbulb flashed above his head.

The next morning he confided his plan to his four closest aids, who were skeptical at first, but eventually came around to his way of thinking.

“Here’s the deal”, he said:

“I’ve decided that I would embark upon a one-man crime wave”

 “you know, rob a couple of blind beggars”, spray graffiti – ‘trump sucks… Diet Coke’ and jump over NYC subway turnstiles”. He continued “of this is a strategy to win over some manly MAGA voters and unenthusiastic Dems”.

Biden argued to his trusted confidants that such a daring, macho persona would quiet the spineless Democratic money people, garner loads of publicity and, ”by the way” bring in a huge  donations. A trial would be the cherry on the cake.  He argued his strategy …somewhat convincingly to his four closest confidants…Jill, Hunter and their two German Shepherds, Champ and Major.

Jill had a few questions before signing off on the scheme:

Would the Secret Service be the get-away drivers?  Would he wear one of those Halloween Joe Biden masks?  Would he donate the stolen money to a charity?  If so which one?

There was a spirited argument among themselves for three different charities; the Humane Society won - with two votes. High Paws all around.

It was agreed that Hunter would be the get-away driver (despite having his driver’s license revoked), Jill would identify the two blind beggars and Champ and Major would create diversions for the crimes.

“If all goes well”  - whispered Biden,

“our gang will be identified before the Democratic convention in time for all of us to have  choice speaking slots”.

“Hey, it worked for them”, remarked Biden -  that was the clincher

Jill asked Joe…”Do you have a Plan B”?

“Yes, I do…Oprah Winfrey on the ticket” he enthusiastically answered

 

The New York Times headline two days after their caper …

Biden shoots up 12% in new poll!...New York Times/Siena Poll

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