WikiLeekZ
Not Related To the
TheONION
“Satire Is Our Game, WikiLeekZ Is Our Name”
December 16,
2016
WikiLeekZ Exclusive!:
The Real Donald Trump
For all of
his adult life, Donald Trump has cultivated a persona replete with braggadocio,
womanizing, empire building and ruthlessness in his business dealings. However,
in an ironic twist of fortune, WikiLeekZ has recently uncovered a veritable
treasure trove of documents including color and black and white photos, his bold
hand-written notes, grainy, unsteady Super 8 mm movies, partial pages of bank
records and smart phone videos.
This
irrefutable evidence exposes President-Elect Trump for what he really is and
has so assiduously been keeping from the public for decades…a closeted liberal/progressive
capitalist.
The first
blockbuster piece of evidence is a candid, grainy B&W 8x10 still photograph
of Trump and Mother Teresa ladling out vichyssoise to lepers in India. The
barely legible hand writing on the back of the photograph reads ’Donald T and Mother T, Calcutta’. No date
noted. However, our forensic team, by zeroing in on the wall calendar, has
determined that the date is approximately the time of the opening of Trump’s
hotel in Pune.
In a NYC photograph
of more than a thousand fast food workers marching for a $15 minimum wage, Mr
Trump can be seen in one of the first rows of marchers holding a half-eaten Big
Mac in one hand and a Large Fries, coated with ketchup in the other. One of the
workers marching alongside Trump was quoted as saying that Trump told him that
he began his participation at the 40th St. and Madison Ave
McDonald’s and that he heard that they were stopping off at every fast food joint
along the march en route to City Hall. Trump endorsed that plan and vowed to support the march by buying a Whopper, a
Dave’s Hot ‘n Juicy and an order of Steakhouse Nachos at Taco Bell along the
way. When queried as to his opinion about Minimum Wage, he answered, “Everyone
deserves a Minimum Wage”.
A cell phone
photo revealed that during a little known and unpublicized visit to his golf
resort in Scotland, as Mr Trump was playing golf on a fairway alongside the
sea, he noticed a large group of people walking between the water and his golf
course. He drove his golf cart over to where they were, concerned that they
were up to some anti-Donald, nefarious activity such as picking up stray balls
and donating them to the anti-development charity to be held the next week. As
he drew closer, he noticed that they carried large orange bags and sure enough,
they were bending down, picking up objects and putting them into their orange
bags. He approached and asked them what they were doing so close to his golf
course.
“Why Mr
Trump, it’s Earth Day and were restoring our coast to its natural pristine
condition”. “
Well, that’
great! I’ve always supported Earth Day by surveying all of the undeveloped
earth and planning my next big building. Your work will definitely improve my
property value” he replied, as he noticed a young lady with a smart phone
nearby. “Say, would you take a photo of me with this group”? He put his arm around
a very attractive redhead…asking, “How about coming to the club for dinner with
me tonight? And, let’s move that big Earth Day sign around so the clubhouse is
in the background”.
These graphic revelations are only a few of the many liberal/progressive charitable associations these
newly found pieces of evidence have unearthed. Other organizations that Mr
Trump has been seen associating with are Code Pink, Green Peace, PETA, League
of Women Voters and the San Francisco Gay Pride Parade where he’s seen riding
with Dykes on Bikes.
Zeny
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