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UAL CEO Oscar Munoz rolls out new customer policies for oversold flights in wake of “re-accommodate” action.

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WikiLeekZ learned today that United Airlines CEO, Oscar Munoz will introduce a new ‘overbooked flight’ set of policies. According to Munoz, the new policies will enable passengers to completely understand what they are getting into before boarding a UAL flight.

1) Complimentary armed service escort while under orders to deplane unexpectedly

2) Instead of offering incentives to passengers on over-booked flights, UAL will promise passengers that they will not be unduly manhandled or forcefully removed from planes…on a first come first served basis only

3) Before purchasing tickets, potential passengers will be asked to sign a waiver absolving UAL of any culpability resulting from medical emergencies such as heart attacks caused by viewing dangerous, chaotic behavior on the part of airport police because of the removal of passengers in possession of valid tickets

4) UAL passengers must turn in any and all image creating devices before boarding oversold flights... These devices will be returned to their rightful owners upon de-planning. If a passenger is among those removed before the flight has taken off, your devices can be recovered for a small charge at the Atlanta Lost and Found Warehouse.

5) UAL passengers are advised that the Men In Black MEMORY LOSS technology may be used on passengers at the end of any oversold flight. Sunglasses are not allowed on board for these flights.

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