WikiLeekZ
Not Related To the
TheONION
“Satire Is Our Game, WikiLeekZ Is Our Name”
January 2, 2017
TWITTER BANS PRESIDENT ELECT DONALD J
TRUMP:
On New Years' Day, our TII, Tech Insider Informer, was leeked a highly secretive inter-office
Tweet from Twitter HQ in San Francisco. The Tweet, which, in part, stated that
beginning 19 Jan 2017, President Donald
Trump will not be allowed to use Twitter as a platform of propaganda and
misinformation. His current account or any other account he may initiate such
as @iamthegreatezt or @buymysteakz will be banned. That goes for any second
party ghost accounts as well.
WikiLeekZ has learned that Twitter has been losing thousands
of Twitter users a week in protest to Trump's Tweeting of patently untrue
statements which needlessly put the USA into dangerous international and
domestic situations. In order to avoid a collapse of the company, Twitter has
taken what it feels is its only recourse.
The confidential Tweet states that in the interest of
national security and the ethical treatment of citizens, Trump will have to
inform the citizenry of his prevarications by courier or carrier pigeon.
Alternately, Twitter has suggested that his 10 year old son, Barron, could
attempt to devise another platform to enable his Dad to continue lying without
consequence to the nation. He knows a lot about computers, according to Trump.
When Informed today of the WikiLeekZ Twitter scoop, the
president-elect was discovered by his Secret Service contingent lying in the
fetal position on the gold shag rug at the foot of his bed clutching his
gold-plated iPhone. No medical treatment was deemed necessary. Trump was heard
quietly repeating…”I know a lot of things that others don’t know, why didn’t I
know about this”?!
Zeny
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