WikiLeekZ

Groundhog Retreats Into Den

Feb. 2, 2017

Dateline Punxsutawney, PA

Filed From WikiLeekZ PA reporter, Punxsutawney Phyllis...

American Icon, Punxsutawney Phil, crept slowly from his den in Pennsylvania and read the glaring headlines in the local Punxsutawney Spirit newspaper...'Trump Threatens to Send Troops to Mexico', and quickly retreated back into his cozy, safe den.

A few minutes later, Phil tossed a paw-written note onto the icy ground. It was written in Groundhogese, a language that among all assembled correspondents, only I, an Honorary Groundhog could interpret.

"To all Groundhogs and Americans: what the #%+=...@&?! Is going on? What's up with you people? Don't let one person attempt to change the 200+ years of democratic principles fought for and won by activists, soldiers, politicians, artists, Groundhogs, and ordinary citizens without questioning every single ignorant, misinformed, bigoted and childish thought of this new person".

"I'm retreating to write my beliefs and opinions and then, from the platform I have gained over more than 100 years, scatter my statements on the ground to be found and spread across the nation by good, intelligent, thoughtful citizens, and Groundhogs. Why not Groundhogs? Our race has been here longer that the Pilgrims and if truth be known, longer than whom you term, the Native Americans".

"So, citizens and Groundhogs all, rise up from your homes and dens; write, gather, organize and let your representatives know that what is happening is not right. Tell them you're Mad As Hell and You're Not Going To Take It Any Longer". Who does he think he is, a Groundhog trapper? Who does he think we are, shrinking violets?"

"A little known fact is that we Groundhogs love violets".

"See you soon. The sun will shine and spring will come one day".

Punxsutawney Phil....